Lint Licker!
People can be jerks, thoughtless, inconsiderate verbal diarrhea booty heads. Sometimes people say things without even thinking about how it sounds to the listener’s ears. Sometimes cruel and hurtful words can be said with intentional forethought and malice. Sometimes people say things out of anger or their own personal pain and spew all of that out onto you.
Remember that gum commercial where two women were calling each other names like “Lint Licker” and “Cootie Queen”? I parroted those names for weeks. (ok, sometimes I still do) “Who you calling a lint licker you cootie queen?!”
“STINKY McSTINK FACE!”
Classic.
Here’s the deal. You don’t have to agree with them. If someone calls you a “lint licker”. You don’t have to say, “You’re right, I am a lint licker.” No! You look at that cootie queen and tell them, “NO! I’m not a lint licker! I’m kind and brave and funny and smart and exuberant and pretty or handsome and it’s not okay for you to call me names!”
Of course, some people will say things much worse than that. I have been called names that cut me to the core, names that shaped my identity for the negative. We all carry the scars of the words spoken by others. If only we could see each other’s souls and the harm or good we do to one another, I think we would be much more careful in the words and actions we choose.
Cruel words spoken damage the soul. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me” is absolutely false. Words hurt.
Sometimes I imagine people who say mean things as having huge mouths shooting out daggers out of their big stupid mouths. Even though you’re wielding a huge heavy shield, some of those daggers make their way to the heart. Pierced, wounded, pained.
Just because the words hurt, doesn’t mean they’re true.
The pain is an indicator that the words were hurtful. Intentionally or not, words hurt. The pain is an indicator that that person said something mean or cruel without any care for your heart. It does not mean what they say is true or that you should agree with them. If it does not align with God’s truth, don’t agree with it.
It is always okay to stand up for yourself, to seek help in learning how to stand up for yourself, and to set boundaries. That is healthy. You are not meant to be verbally and/or emotionally attacked or abused.
Once you have set up your boundaries and are in a safe place, one day God will nudge you towards forgiveness. It’s a hard commandment to obey. (Colossians 3:13)
Forgiveness does not mean that what was said is okay, it means that you will no longer be chained to the person who wronged you. They will no longer have control over you. Can’t forgive? Ask Jesus to help you. (James 1:5, John 15:7, Matthew 7:7, Mark 11:24, Jeremiah 33:3) Forgive yourself for believing the lie. Then, replace the lie with a truth from God’s word. I know I’m oversimplifying the process and it can be a hard journey but it is a worthy one to become closer to baggage free.
You are deeply loved. You have a beautiful heart. You are a precious soul who is rejoiced over by the Creator of the Universe who knows every hair on your head.
Who the Son sets free, oh is free indeed.
Tools:
Don’t agree with the lies spoken to you.
Know who God says you are
Forgive
Ask for help
Worship