Suicide: A side effect of the lock down no one is talking about
My heart absolutely broke when I read this article. I wept for Spencer Smith. The world has lost someone precious. And it could have been me.
Spencer Smith, a sophomore at Brunswick High School, committed suicide because, according to his parents, he was struggling with the isolation of virtual learning as well as lost hope for his future. Hope. Goals. Future. All of it was stripped away from him.
Phillip Potenziano, the superintendent of The Brunswick School Department, issued a statement in which he said the following. His words are italicized, my translation is in bold.
I want to take this opportunity to remind our community that suicide, when it does occur, is a very complicated act. (duh) No one single thing causes it. (Nope. Not our fault. Not the fault of the lock down or remote schooling.) But in many cases, a mental health condition is part of it, and these conditions are treatable. (See! He was a mentally unstable boy. we have had no impact in his decision to end his life.) It’s really important if you or your child is not feeling well in any way to reach out for help. (It’s really your fault for not reaching out during a lock down to get the help you need.) Suicide should not be an option. (For someone who is in a pivotal developmental years, who has no life experience to deal with these enormous and debilitating feelings, who is isolated, has no extracurricular activities, no hope of life being fun and enjoyable again, suicide feels like a very good option.This is such a dismissive statement.) I am including some information that may be helpful to you in discussing suicide with your child. (Don’t say I didn’t try to “help”.)
Furthermore, a student’s death is a difficult and challenging situation that can generate a high level of anxiety and distress for some students. (Please don’t make your problems turn into our problems. How selfish of you.) If you feel that your children are having difficulty, we encourage you to discuss their thoughts and feelings to help them work through their grief or concerns. (Again, it’s not our fault your child was socially isolated and we took away every extracurricular activity opportunity to enrich his pathetic existence.) Please also consider monitoring and discussing your children’s communications (social media, phone, e-mails, text messages) to further assess their potential needs. (If your child won’t talk to you, you’re a terrible parent and your child is a mentally unstable nutcase. Good luck.)
What a load of crap. How dismissive can you be?! This is so insulting to Spencer Smith, his family, friends and anyone who has struggled with this lock down!
Let me tell you, I don’t know Spencer Smith and his family, but I do know what Spencer Smith was feeling. I, too, lost hope for the future. Everything that I had been looking forward to kept being stripped away. I kept trying to replace them with other events only for those to be cancelled too. I kept trying to stay positive but it got to the point where there was nothing more to be positive about anymore.
One of the lowest moments in my life, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. I was in utter darkness. Our church reopened only to deny me entry because I can’t wear a mask. I was devastated. What type of horrible person am I that I’m not welcome in my own church?! It snuffed out the little flicker of hope I had left. Other people’s decisions do have an impact on others. The choice for the church to make no exemptions for wearing masks had a devastating impact on my life and well being. In the same way, the choices the school continually made negatively impacted the life of Spencer Smith. To think we don’t have an impact on each other is irresponsible; it is the very definition of indifference.
When all hope is lost, Life can become too much. Too heavy. Too hard. I began to believe that my family and friends would not miss me and that they would indeed be better off without me. My pain and sorrow was a burden to them. They deserved happiness and I wanted this suffering to end. I began to plan my own ending. I did not feel selfish at all. I really was thinking this was the best thing for everyone. Please don’t call someone who is suicidal selfish. Please. They’re already deeply wounded. The don’t need anymore hurtful words.
After reaching out to a friend as well as to my husband, I realized that is not the case. I had people in my life I felt safe to share without judgement. Once I realized what I was actually planning, I was able to see how low I was. I don’t know Spencer Smith’s situation. I don’t know if he reached out to someone and was brushed aside, his feeling marginalized, or maybe he never got to that stage. His parents mentioned that they missed a lot of signs: he stopped doing things he loved, he stopped doing his school work, he became withdrawn, distant, and lethargic. If you see signs in someone in your life, ask them how they’re feeling. Keep reaching out to them.
I’m glad I had people I could open up to. Being honest about my struggle was pivotal moment. From there, I had to let go. Let go of my expectations and find peace in the midst of perceived chaos. My goals and events kept being canceled and I needed to find a way to let it go. Find fulfillment in different outlets: painting, blogging, singing, drawing, learn to play a new instrument like the didgery doo or the harmonica. Find self-made events to look forward to, a birthday, a favorite meal, a cute outfit for the cat.
If you are hopeless, I understand. If you’re in the dark, you’re not alone. Hold on a little longer. Reach out to someone, or me, share how you’re feeling. The world would not be the same without you. We would not be better off without you. We are meant to share each other’s burdens. You are not the burden. You are deeply loved. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. God has a plan full of hope and a future for your life. Keep going, just a little further.
Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-8255
or…
Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Counselor
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